Fears

Imagine this scene: The animated sun shines down on a vibrant cartoon world. Everything from the smallest blade of grass to the blue mountains in the distance wears a look of content as the entire world sways back and forth to the beat of an old dixieland tune. I step over the horizon and into the scene, whistling a counter melody and swinging my arms up to my chest in an exaggerated manner. I break into song, and cartoon flowers in my hand swoon at the sound of my rich baritone. As I stroll down the street, a particularly jolly house appears on the horizon, and before I get a chance to shout “Golly-gee shucks! What a ding-dang of a house!” a pair of happy bluebirds fly down and give me the keys. My wife and I move all of our gleefully swaying belongings inside, and the cartoon ends by zooming out from a riotous scene of the two of us attempting to consume thousands of pancakes.

You've probably noticed that I like to talk about dreams. While I understand that dreams are uplifting and motivating, I sometimes wonder if all of my work towards home ownership has been a bunch of cartoon-laced wishful thinking. Compared to the daydreaming that is inspired by browsing real estate listings, certain aspects of buying a home feel like a nightmare to me, especially dealing with real estate agents and lenders. While I never expected the process to be easy, I also didn't understand how frightening it would be to have the fate of my ideal future decided by the real estate industry.

For the uninitiated, just the sheer number of people claiming to be real estate agents is terribly intimidating. While a broad range of choices is probably better than just a few ill-suited ones, I don't understand how I'm supposed to make an intelligent choice when there are so many options. When it comes to what is probably one of the most important transactions I'll ever make, I want to make sure I have the best person to represent my interests (No, I didn't steal this line from a commercial).

My first choice would be to represent myself as my own agent, but I've done my homework and know that I don't have the expertise. I also know enough to not use the same agent as the seller of a house I'm interested in, and it's best not to use someone from the same agency either. I get that I'm supposed to audition people until I find the right person for our needs, then they're supposed to advocate for us until we get the house we want. I get how it all works, and it still bothers me.

I can explain this in several different ways that kind of scratch around the itch, but what really bothers me about this situation is that in order to get what I want, I might have to give up some of my control over the process, and potentially sacrifice my swaying cartoon flowers for reality. While some of that is to be expected, I'm afraid that I'll feel pressured into buying something I don't want. I think that most people feel like it's silly to worry about salespeople being manipulative because only really weak people give in to their Jedi mind tricks. I would definitely hope that I'd be strong enough to shop somewhere else if I wasn't happy, but I understand that good salespeople are successful for a reason. My mind isn't nearly as susceptible to Jedi powers as it is to its own desires, and so long as a salesperson can make me feel like their particular product will fulfill those desires, then I'm hooked.

Now go back and glance at my last two posts and realize the danger of my situation. So far, I've got a long list of vague but impassioned dreams, an undetermined amount of money to spend, and no precise timeline for when I expect to buy. All I know is that I'm not content in my apartment, that I want a house, and that I was ready to move yesterday. I don't know how a salesperson could resist such a ripe pick.

I'm also a little afraid that I'll get to a point in the process I wasn't prepared for and make a mistake. For example, I'm afraid of finding a house I really want, only to be told that I can't have a loan for it. While Lindsay and I have been saving and trying to build credit, we're probably going to be dependent on an FHA or state-subsidized loan. Those loans can be trickier to negotiate and have terms that may limit what we can do with our future property. What if I jump the gun and make a bunch of moves towards buying a house, and then find that I don't have the cash to back it up? I know how terrible it feels to have a checker ring up a hundred dollars worth of groceries at the store, only to realize that I've forgotten my wallet. Being in that position while buying a house would feel much worse. Pre-approval for a loan would definitely help in this particular context, but there are other ways in which I could sabotage the process.

I'm also worried about overestimating my renovation skills. I'm looking forward to working with Lindsay to craft the interior of our house to our liking, but we both have professional, social, and personal commitments that occupy our time. Could I channel Bob Vila well enough to replace the siding or the roof? I'm very detail-oriented and absorb new information easily, but I've never been very good at swinging a hammer. I feel like I could rise to the challenge. I'm absolutely absorbed in the subject matter, and I wouldn't have a problem spending all of my free time working on the house. I just don't know how much is too much at this point, and it could lead to an uncomfortable (or expensive) problem further down the road.

I think a simple way of summarizing all of these fears would be to say that I'm afraid of making choices without sufficient information. Considering the consequences of a mistake, I feel like I'm justified to be so cautious. Considering my goals, however, it's time for me to step into the unknown. I have no further recourse than to talk to a lender to assess where I stand financially.